Monday Chatter by RicoChey

I did something fairly grown-up recently.
I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for two years now. We have a lot in common, we get along well, and we respect each other. Yeah, I’m a little crazy. Yeah, he’s a little too thick-skinned. We bicker. We have weeks that we don’t text for a few days while we blow off steam. But, Saturday rolls along and we’re just us again. Warm, close, and understood. It’s nice.
Two weeks ago, I brought up my future and what it holds for me. I’ll be living alone by the other side of Fall, for the first time in my life. I’ve been looking forward to facing that particular challenge. Not everyone gets that chance. So, naturally, it took me some time to come to the decision that the following proposal was not the wrong idea. I invited my boyfriend to consider the idea of living together when I move again.
It’s just as casual as I’m making it sound. One adult to another, I made a pitch. We love each other, we enjoy each other, and we have agreed on numerous occasions that the majority of our issues would be resolved by the freedom to see more of one another, and the unique liberty to choose when we spend time apart. And, also, ya know, split bills! We love each other, but we also rather love our money. It’s kind of a win-win in a lot of ways. I’ve almost forgotten to consider the inherent risks of taking that next step. I haven’t really discussed it with anyone. It doesn’t feel like a huge deal. We’re just in the “it’s out there, we’ll discuss it” stage, and really, we’re both so busy we haven’t thought about it like we promised we would. I’m really comfortable with how much of a big deal it isn’t right now. I think… maybe that’s why I haven’t shared it with anyone.

Everyone processes differently. When you find yourself in the midst of a traditionally life-altering decision, how do you go through its motions? Passively? Reactively? Dismissively? Stories welcome.

Don’t miss the first topic of February!: Curiouser and Curiouser…


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3 Responses to Monday Chatter by RicoChey

  1. amricatt says:

    I grew up in a poor area. As an adult, it was hard for me to find a job that did not bore me. I was having a hard time meeting new people and making friends, even dating. I started playing an online video game that expanded my perception and met people from all over the world. After doing some soul searching, I had made the decision to start looking for a job a few states away. I was going to move away from my stable job, anyone I had ever known, and what was left of my family who still remained in the area to somewhere completely unknown and scary big.

    I remember my coworkers trying to talk me out of it because they couldn’t understand why I would do such a thing. My brother kept bringing up how the crime rate was so much higher in my new place than the comfortable little town I lived in. I took the whole thing in as very robotic. I would come home from work every day and make myself apply for a certain amount of jobs. I meticulously kept records of every job I applied for, area I searched apartments for, prices for groceries, utilities, public transportation and I also had a friend who I met online live in the area so I would go every month to visit and to drive around in the city I was going to hopefully move to.

    I honestly don’t know how I made it that first year. My new city terrified me. (It still does sometimes after 8.5 years!) I got terribly homesick and wanted to move back every other week. I think my pure stubbornness kept me from moving back and calling the experiment a failure. Looking back, I’m still not sure I would ever do it again. I’m established more here now with friends and a good job. I still don’t have family here but I see them often enough that I don’t feel like I made the wrong decision. Over the last six months, I’ve given some thought about moving again. I haven’t found that stubborn streak yet to make it if I did.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. All of the above?

    I had no qualms about Tim moving in with me. Getting a joint checking account, accepting jewelry, responding positively to a marriage proposal? I didn’t do so well with those. I didn’t mind playing house, but when stuff got serious I sort of … blanked out for a while. I argued, I fought the good fight for individualism, independence, and so forth,for a few months then… the world turned to fog. I wish I had an explanation.I wish I could say that I was truly won over with charm and good sense, but sometimes I think I just gave in because I was unsure what else to do. How do you love someone down to your bones but deny them a commitment? How do you argue with perfectly good intentions? With relentless optimism? I have yet to learn how to argue with the relentless optimism and decide to oppose it, even when the argument is for something that I can’t really comprehend.

    Often in my life I’ve simply gotten sick of being paralyzed by indecisiveness, or arguing until the fog begins to roll in, and forced myself to get up and jump. Headlong. Once I’m in whatever situation results, I dig in. I own that shit. This can’t be entirely healthy—the regrets pile up at my back sometimes. Even so, I’ve never discovered how to deal any other way. Logic is not so perfect that it can validate, or invalidate, every possible life choice. Logic can get pale and flimsy, and disappear in inexplicable fogs. Jumping has proven to make for intense learning experiences, if nothing else. So, I jump.

    Not to say I haven’t made some noteworthy, brilliant, perfectly mapped-out decisions in my life—proactive, etc. I’ve made dozens of those, and most of them have had perfect outcomes.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: weekend wrap up | Brigit's Flame

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